Simplify

     A short few months ago, my outlook on life changed drastically. I had been working at a Cancer hospital for just over two years, and let me tell you, this was no easy task for a sap like myself.  In talking with patients and their families, I found some to have an everlasting amount of hope who refused to think about the "what if" and others who were just working through the process and emotions that this terrible disease forces upon them. Then, there were the ones who, even though they were still fighting, they were also a realist. They were planning their families future after their own death. This was hard, but yet it humbled me. It forced me to see the importance of this life I have been gifted. The morning of my turning point began with receiving a call from a patients spouse, who's wife, just a year younger than myself  and a mother of two little girls. I used to speak with her directly, however I'm sure we are all aware cancer treatment can do a number on a persons body. Her spouse was calling regarding trouble they were having with the insurance company. Think about this now, your 30 year old spouse is going through cancer treatments and you get to spend your day dealing with inconsiderate, heartless, money suckers who happen to call themselves insurance companies.(that will be an entirely different blog post) In talking with this woman's spouse, I heard their children laughing in the background and this brought a smile to my face, but only for a moment. I asked the question I always tried to avoid, not knowing what the response would be scared the crap out of me! "How is she doing, I haven't talked to her in a while." His response caught me off guard and silenced me for what felt like hours, it took him several seconds to find the strength to reply "she went to the Hospice home yesterday." Not preparing myself for this call, I was at a loss of words. What should I say or how could I help? I couldn't. There was nothing I could do to help him save his wife. Their young children would soon be motherless.

     Reflecting on this event, I knew I needed to examine my path as a mother and wife. You see, we have been blessed with the opportunity to build our American Dream. We can consider ourselves to be successful as we went to college, our family grew, we send our kids to the best schools, we have nice cars and we own a nice home for us to live out our happily ever after in. Then it hit me, the way our society measures success is based on materialistic possessions. We are following the path our society has written for us, without even realizing, this is not OUR dream. We work hard for this lifestyle, too hard if you ask me. I say this because, in order for us to have the American Dream, we have been sacrificing the limited time given to us to spend together as a family. Life has become not much more than a fast forward button with memories of us rushing here and rushing there, work 40 + hours a week to make sure we can have these nice things. Don't get me wrong, I do believe nice things can sometimes be a necessity. When realizing however, our lives have become nothing but trying to fit in and follow our Society's preconceived path of "normalcy" our years of memory making have been wasted. When reflecting on this life changing moment, I often think about myself and my family, and ask the question, what would my kids have left of me if I were to be called to the good Lord tomorrow? The answer, I am embarrassed to admit, scares me! They will remember me as a taxi driver, someone who signed them up for every sport and activity to keep them busy and active, a parent who made it to 2 of the 8 football games or how stressed out I always was. Waking up at 6:00am to rush out of the house by 7:15am, not walking back through the door until 6:00pm, having to get dinner on the table, making sure we are keeping up with homework (all while distracting a 18 month old wrecking ball), bath time and to bed by 7:30 is NOT FUN! Worst of all, my kids can sense the stress and see the struggle. This brings me to my knees and tears to my eyes.  Why have we have spent so many years working so hard to create the wrong American Dream.

     Simplify is the directive now. We are unable to change our past, but our present and future is still an open book. What we really need is simplicity, eliminating the cram filled schedules, taking a step back and breathe,,, just breathe. Lately, after the kids have fallen asleep, I spend many hours reading and researching everything from parenting styles to education and even road trip destinations. The Dalai Lama Summed it up best, when asked what surprised him most about humanity, he answered "Man. Because he sacrifices his health in order to make money. Then he sacrifices money to recuperate his health. And then he is so anxious about the future that he does not enjoy the present; the result being that he does not live in the present or the future; he lives as if he is never going to die, and then dies having never really lived." The American Dream I now search for is far from "normal" and I am sure our not so "normal" family will be making you think twice about us...maybe even three times. Our path to simplicity has officially begun with one small change at a time. It will be quite interesting to see where this next year takes us.

I leave you with some things to ponder...
~ Erica~